Nope Not Today
This guy said "nope, not today" and decided to stay. So at quitting time I put him in his basket & home we came. Good God I love him. Like, I really have no words for how much I love him. This is hard...
Here's what I sent to Zig's vet...
Well, Zig & I did a real deal trial run yesterday afternoon. He slumped onto the floor & leaned against me while quietly all but stopped breathing for what felt like an hour but was probably around 2 minutes. He wasn't hacking & was very peaceful. He peed on the floor (& me) and his pupils were huge, they made the hazy cataract centers look small. But he didn't look like he was struggling or gasping or scared. Most of the time he was in that sphinx position, but his head kept bobbing slow off to the side in my hand then back up, like he was trying not to lay all the way over. I just let him choose how to be and was kneeling down close over him & petting him & telling him how much we all love him. Then I moved him to his bed because the floor at work is cement, it has carpet but it's worn out & thin. He kind of thrashed around when I did and I regretted it a little since the last thing I wanted to do at that moment was upset or stress him out. Jarrin was there with us the whole time & called Mike to come from out back in the garage. Zig heard or felt the rumble of the Gator engine as Mike pulled up and he started looking around. Then he got up when Mike came into the room & shortly after he was trotting around wagging his tail like nothing ever happened. I'm so glad Jarr was there for it all or Mike would think I'm totally going crazy. Why is he almost dying with me one minute & playing with Mike the next? I sure hope he doesn't think I want him to die because that's the last thing I want. Anyway, last night he had a big dinner of mashed potatoes, eggs & bacon, he's so fat & furry now lol. The undercoat that all grew back in almost feels like puppy fur, it's so soft. Then did some playing with his dog (the go-to toy for years, turns out beanie babies are heartier than I ever imagined) & digging around in his blankets. Lots of off & on hacking though, not to exhaustion obviously, just kind of a middle of the road hybrid coughing/heavy breathing with emphasis on the exhale. He seems foggy & a little more confused, even still this morning. He did some wandering around the house several times (just the first floor, he doesn't do steps anymore except on a rare occasion). I think he sees & hears less now. Mike said he's fine but later when I said "this isn't good, it really isn't" sadly agreed... I've never been around anything like that. I surprised myself with how genuinely calm I was. I even feel strangely comforted that it wasn't violent, which I guess I've been reluctantly expecting. Is that weird? I hope that when it really happens it can be like that. I'm wondering if I should stop the furo & just let his body do what it needs to. I know what will happen. He still doesn't appear to be in pain, but I can see he's so tired. I'm not doping him except every once in a while, choosing between the codeine & weed drops depending on - hell, I don't know what I'm using to decide which one. I really should have a system but I just grab what feels right at the time. Sounds bizarre, but I felt a shift at the end of last week. Something changed, I'm not sure what though. I guess we're really coming to the end of our time together here? I don't know. Actually I think I do know, I just don't want to.
